I Really Hated A Little Life
It's A Little Infuriating
Since college, I have worked really hard to not be someone who bases their whole personality on things they hate. I think we all know this type. The person that bashes so many things in culture that you wonder if they have truly liked anything. I was so offensively this type in college that my friends didn’t tell me they had gotten into Dungeons and Dragons because I was overly vocal and obnoxious in expressing how much I hated things. I never want people to be afraid of talking to me because I might crush whatever they hold dear. Of course, I can express dislike, but I try not to produce a visceral reaction to everything I don’t care for.
But, man, I have to talk about how much I hated A Little Life.
If you don’t know about this novel by Hanya Yanagihara, it came out in 2015, so this is not a new book, but it is a heavily praised book, winning the Kirkus Prize in Fiction, and being nominated for several other honors including the National Book Award. It follows a group of four male friends in New York from their 20s into their 50s. Eventually, it mostly centers on Jude, who is afflicted to say the least. Things don’t end well.
What I hated about this 814 page book is that it is rife with tragedy for the sake of heartache and heartache alone. I’m going to detail some of it, so if you have interest in reading this at some point, skip this.
A couple things that happen to Jude: he is abandoned as a baby, beaten and assaulted repeatedly as a child, forced into child prostitution—and that’s just what’s told through flashbacks. He continues to suffer many horrific physical and mental setbacks in his adult life that are written in painstaking detail for hundreds of pages. We are meant to root for him because he is disadvantaged, but a very successful lawyer who has pulled himself up by his bootstraps. He refuses therapy and help for most of the book, despite pleas from loved ones and a suicide attempt, yet no one ever gives up on Jude. He can lash out at them, lie to them and avoid them, but people will always show up to make sure Jude is okay. Big spoiler: he kills himself anyway.
Jude has a relationship with Willem, one of the other guys in the friend group. Willem also suffered great childhood tragedy, as he had to watch his sickly brother die, then never really have contact with his parents again. Aside from this, all we hear about Willem is that he is hot, a wildly successful actor who has slept with both men and women, but refuses to come out as gay or queer to the public. On that note, neither will Jude. Big spoiler: Willem tragically dies in a car accident with another guy in the friend group, Malcolm, and Malcolm’s wife. Willem died really rich, tho, and left Jude a bunch of money, which Jude added to his piles of money he made as an attorney. Jude is frequently being sad in very expensive foreign lands.
There is an out character, JB, who is basically the villain of the friend group. He gets addicted to heroin, mocks Jude’s physical condition, and is just really mean. On the flip side, though, he does visual art that gets a lot of acclaim, and get this: it’s all depicting Willem and Jude. Every art show he has is another bunch of pictures of Willem and Jude?!?! But, Jude mostly stops talking to him after Willem’s death. So, we never really hear about him again. The book is often heralded as a “great gay novel,” but the only proudly gay characters are somewhat wicked, and basically cut off by our protagonist.
To the book’s credit, it’s beautifully written. But, it is agonizing. For every bright spot, you know there’s a dark cloud looming.
I have to ask: what is the point of this? I know that as someone who has done comedy, my predilections lean toward humor, but I can appreciate a sad story if there is something to be gleaned besides “you’ll never guess what else happened to these poor men!”
I only kept reading the book to see how gruesome it would get. Since there were no moments of levity in the book, I derived comedy from how utterly depressing and bleak it was. Jude truly can never catch a break, until he dates Willem, who dies. He then lashes out at everyone who tries to assist him quite childishly, yet is still held up on a pedestal at his friend’s art show. It’s so unbelievable that it becomes humorous, but I know that wasn’t the intent.
When faced with answering “what greater story is this book trying to tell,” I guess the answer is “Really bad stuff happens. Sometimes without reprieve.” I suppose if you needed to be reminded of that fact, it’s here.
Have you ever spoken to someone like this? Someone who seemed to only have bad stuff happen to them, or at least only talk about the bad stuff? It’s exhausting. And frankly, it’s a lot like talking to me in college. "Do you wanna hear what sucks? Boy, have I got a list for you.” But, remember, I almost lost all of my friends doing that. I’m not sure why I’d want to read a book doing the exact same thing.
Also, the haphazard nature with which it dealt with mental health (therapy is ultimately villainized) and sexuality (you can be queer as long as you don’t call yourself that) was really appalling as well, but Andrea Long Chu does a way better job explaining that in this article.
I’m only talking about hating this book because I truly felt it was harmful to read. We shouldn’t view the traumatized as if their lives are destined to be beautiful disasters, narratives we only pay attention to because they’re car fire on the side of the road. The world has more to offer besides tragedy. To write this much on pain is to punish your readers for believing that.
Stuff I’ve been V into
Now for a palate cleanser, here’s some stuff I’ve loved:
SONGS
I have loved every Best Coast album more than the last, and I am so excited for Bethany Cosentino’s solo work. This has such a vintage Sheryl Crow feel, which I absolutely love. It’s also such a great anthem for having to navigate certain people from your past. Cosentino recognizes that the idea that you’ve evolved and no one else from your past has is both self-aggrandizing, but at times, equally true. The full album, Natural Disaster, is out July 28!!
ALBUMS
I had heard the name Arlo Parks a lot, but hadn’t listened until this Talk Easy interview with her. It’s such dreamy rock that has feels akin to 90s Superchunk type stuff with a modern feel. I love it.
BOOKS
PLEASE RECOMMEND ME SOME!