Why Is This So Funny: "Good Evening" as a Post-Hookup Text
And how it led to marriage
Why Is This So Funny is a series where I share something I have been laughing at that wasn’t meant to be as funny as it is to me. My only hope is that you find it a fraction as funny as I do.
Recently, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Death Sex & Money, a show that deftly explores those three topics as the soothing voice of Anna Sale interviews celebrities and normies alike. Don’t fret tho: this post is about celebrities!
The show almost ceased to exist after WNYC canceled them but Slate picked them up. They reran a couple of old episodes while they got up to speed at Slate and I was reacquainted with this episode from 2017: The Very Hot Marriage of Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts.
First off: love both of these people. Niecy Nash-Betts has confidence that I cannot fathom. Famously, she thanked herself at this year’s Emmys after winning for Supporting Actress in Dahmer. If I am ever thanking myself at an awards show, it is because I am doing a bit where I actually had done so much self-sabotage that year, it’s hilarious that I won something. I cannot brag about myself without doing a bit, or without a ton of disclaimers, and me and my therapist are working on it.
Jessica Betts (JB as she referred to in the podcast) is someone I did not know as well until she married Niecy, but from what I know, I’m a fan! A couple fun facts:
She has a 2014 album called #LLCoolJess where she does a 1 minute cover of LL Cool J’s “I Need Luv.”
She seduced Niecy Nash by saying “You wanna go lay down?”
She sent these texts the day after Niecy agreed to go lay down for the first time. Niecy did not respond to any of these:
(In the morning): Good morning
(In the afternoon): Good afternoon
(In the evening): Good evening
That’s the wildest exchange that’s ever led to a marriage. Btw, it’s about 15 minutes into the podcast if you want to hear JB describe it.
Niecy and JB were friends before they got together. So, imagine sleeping with your friend and then the next day, they try to speak to you by sending three time-dependent greetings. No discussion. No phone call. No voice note. Just a greeting you’d get from your Uber driver, three times over.
I understand “Good morning” texts from lovers exist, but they shouldn’t. “Good morning” texts with no other words have always been suspect to me. I know what time it is! And how do you know it’s good, babe? There is also no way to respond to this other than “Good morning to you.” Ask me a goddamn question!
Furthermore, after the “good morning” text went unanswered, what possessed her to think Niecy would respond to a “good afternoon” text? It reminds me of those new spam messages (such a joy to have lived through so many eras of spam), that are like “Hello Betsy! Was that you I saw at the Beverly Hills Hotel?” Then you respond “Not Betsy, sorry.” Then they respond “Extremely sorry to have bothered you. Do you wanna chat with a hot girl in your area?” It’s a nice gesture after being inconvenienced I guess.
To be real, those spam messages have more character than Jessica’s. They literally have characters, and hey, maybe I’ll be dissociate from my current life and be Betsy. She can afford the Beverly Hills Hotel, and has equally posh friends. It sounds nice! And the spammer did ask me a question! They care to know if it was me! Jessica didn’t even care to ask how Niecy was. She just greeted and greeted until Niecy unghosted her.
The rest of the story is basically that Niecy was afraid of her feelings for JB, but ultimately came around. They seem genuinely in love with each other. And they have a hot marriage full of salutations.